Taking Pictures and Self-Esteem

Some of these questions are going to be directed at spankees and some of these will be directed at Spankers...I'm sorry that they are a bit vague...but I'm very interested in all of your takes on these...questions are in bold.

Does taking pictures of yourself make you feel sexy or does it make you feel less confident? Does it make you happy when your spanker asks you to take a picture of yourself in his favorite position, or does it make you feel humiliated?

Now I will explain the way taking pictures of myself makes me feel. I've always found it hard to make myself do it...I mean, I suppose that it is most likely my low self-confidence beaming in. When a friend or a spanker asks me to take a photo...I tend to close up and get very nervous and shy...because frankly I don't want to do it. Once in a great while I do get the spontaneous feeling to take random pictures, though very rarely. I often wonder why so many guys want pictures of my bottom or of me in various spanking positions...any explanations for me, Tops? What is it about these pictures that make you happy? Is it that the spankee is ready and willing to do it for you? Does it bother you when they won't do it for you? (I have run across MANY spankers that get aggrivated when I won't take pictures for them, and then they suddenly stop talking to me...same goes with webcam).

I honestly don't think, for me, that it has anything to do with me not trusting someone enough. For example, I actually have a very good friend who has come down to spank me from far away...and even when he asks for pictures it makes me feel down on myself. I really WANT to do it for him, but my mind instanly goes into the "I'm not sexy enough" mode. I trust him completely and he has seen and spanked the hell out of my bare bottom more than once. So, what is my freaking problem? Will I EVER get over this?

I'm sure I've left so many things out, so if any of you would like to elaborate further or add more questions and answers, please do!

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. It is MUCH appreciated. You are all helping me to learn and grow so much already!! :-)

Yours,
*Kimmie*

Drinking

Why is it that when I tell someone that I am not a big drinker...in fact, I rarely ever drink at all...they automatically say that I'm missing out or that I'm just no fun?! I'm so fucking sorry that I'm not into drugs and alcohol! Seriously, I apologize for being no fun at all. 

Btw...this has nothing to do with any of you...just my gripe for the evening...sorry...

OH...and does anyone know how to put a project playlist music player on this damned blog?! I have tried everything that I know to get it on here but I'm having some serious issues. 

P.S. Please forgive my sailor's mouth. :)

Spanking withdrawls

Okay, so here lately I've been having this terribly overwhelming need to be spanked. I am at the point to where I will do just about ANYTHING to get spanked. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Which in turn could be a dangerous thing but I just can't get that damned feeling to dissipate. Is there ANYONE in the Arkansas area that is available as a spanker? Preferably close to my age (I've had some bad experience with older people, no offense, plus I'm looking for a serious relationship eventually. Not that I might consider someone older as a mentor if I found the right person, mind you...but that would require references. Any other ideas or suggestions?

I'm so sick of finding spankers that just don't match my needs. A lot of them seem to insist on my doing other things that I am just not into, and these things make me uncomfortable. I could see myself doing some of those things with someone that I've known for a while that I was/became comfortable with; however. It's just so hard to find a spanker in my area of hell, Arkansas. They are few and far between and certainly not a match for me. I think there are a lot of closet spankos around here but they are just too afraid to come out. What is the average age for someone to come out anyhow? I should do a study on that or something along those lines. Hah, wouldn't that be a funny idea to present to my psychology professor as a thesis paper and presentation?! Oh my! Now THAT would take some serious guts...which I don't possess.

Absenteeism in the blogosphere: My apologies

Hi all. First off, I'd like to apologize for dropping out of the scene for a while. I've been having those darn negative thoughts overwhelming my cruel mind lately. I've also been rather busy with personal issues of another matter. A friend of mine committed suicide recently and I've been trying to sort that out in my head. I won't go into details but I just wanted to fill everyone in on my careless absence.

Thank you all so much for your kind and helpful words to my blogs. You all have really helped me and I hope to bring you some more blogs. At first, I'm just going to give you all some info about myself and what goes on in my head because I believe that is a good step to building me into getting to know who I am and what I'm all about. And later, I plan to add some spanking content on blogs, people, and the models that I adore.

I'd be happy to oblige and suggestions for blogs.

Thank you all once again and please bare with me and forgive me.

Beware: negativity ensues

So. I'm young and semi-new to the scene, I'm here to learn and to grow, and this is how my mind works and this is not meant to offend anybody whatsoever, so please bear with me. 

I watch videos. Spanking videos. I see all of these models. Young, beautiful, skinny, flawless models. I have a spanking fetish. I am not beautiful, skinny and flawless. I am real. I am a person. I consider myself to be cute, if that counts for anything at all. Still though, I am not these models. Is it true that Tops really simply just want someone who is just as passionate about this lifestyle as they are (and not just a pretty bare ass)? Do they really not care about looks? I mean, c'mon what Top wouldn't want to spank all of those lovely spanking models? 

Is it true that if I decide to attend a spanking party that I will be completely welcomed? I mean, is it possible that every single person attending will truly want me there? Okay, I realize that every single person probably won't. See, I don't want someone to be nice to my face and then talk poorly about me behind my back. I can't stand fakes. Yet...I don't want to know if someone doesn't like me either. Hm...makes total sense to me?! 

I've been told that I should consider going to a small party first...before even attempting to go to a larger one (such as All-State). I would love to do that but I'd have to make sure that some of my longer-term online friends were going to be there as well...for comforts sake. I'd like to feel protected. I do know a couple of people that would do that for me and I am very thankful for that. 

Basically, I just want to ask for anybody's opinion on what I should expect at these parties, what kind of caution should I take, what I should do in an uncomfortable situation (or if I panic), what kind of rules everyone is expected to follow, etc.? Any comforting, self-esteem raising advice is more than welcome!  

If you're still reading this and not shaking your head in disgust, thank you! :)

*Kimmie*

Myspace funnies...

Sooooo...I just received this message on my Myspace homepage...I thought it was quite funny, and just wanted to share!


""The link you are trying to visit has been disabled.
You have reached a link that is no longer in service. That means the link was very naughty, and, much like head lice, had to be eliminated before it spread.
You may be asking yourself, 'Hey, what was it about that link that got it in trouble?' An excellent question! Usually, it's one of the following reasons:
- The link was spam! No one likes spammers, and we don't like their links.
- You almost got phished! There are people out there who want to steal your MySpace password. They want to log in as you and send spam, harass your friends, change your profile, and generally run amok. Phishing pages are usually designed to look like MySpace to trick you. Other sites may also ask for your MySpace login information to customize your profile, insert videos or slide shows, track visitors, or any number of other things.Don't make it easy for them. ONLY USE YOUR MYSPACE LOGIN INFO ON WWW.MYSPACE.COM!!
- Viruses are not fun! Neither is adware, spyware, or malware. We cut the links to places that are known sources of infection.
If you really did want to check out some spam, viruses, or phishing pages, we're really sorry to have interrupted. We're sure you can find it elsewhere. There's plenty on the Internet""


THAT'S RIGHT, BAAAAD LINK...NAUGHTY LINK...deserves a spanking!! ;-)

Realizations

...Before I realized that I wanted a DD relationship, I was stubborn, unruly, always right, and I didn’t hold myself accountable for my wrong doings. Once I realized that I longed for a DD relationship, I did a complete 180 and started taking responsibility and holding myself accountable for my actions. It was an amazing realization and I believe this happened for a reason. I recently became a Christian, a follower of Jesus. I feel like I was meant to be humbled because my life was heading straight for 6 feet under. I saw that I needed a firm hand to guide me and motivate me to follow my dreams and not get sidetracked. I’m so happy that I feel the way that I do now…the only problem is that I haven’t found anyone to be my partner with a firm hand and a caring heart…

Domestic Discipline

Domestic Discipline (DD) is defined as (according to Wikipedia): the practice of interspousal discipline with an emphasis on spanking as a punishment. Christian Domestic Discipline just adds the biblical/faith aspects into the mix.

I honestly wonder how many women are out there that desire this in their marriage but stay in the closet, so to speak, about it. For instance, I was on Myspace the other day and was browsing in the groups section and I was shocked at how many people were joining the "spanking" groups! Although, I have a feeling that some of the girls that signed up for those are the types that just like a couple smacks during sex. Still though...makes me wonder.

Anyhow, as for me...I realized that I desired a DD relationship around the age of 18; however I had been curious about spanking for far longer (although at a VERY young age I didn't understand what it was I was feeling, if that makes any sense). I don't know if it was just engrained in me (genes) or what...but I was rarely spanked as a child so I know it wasn't that. I clearly recall spanking my stuffed animals (HAHA) and looking up various words pertaining to spanking in dictionary's, encyclopedia's, and various books. Does anyone have any ideas on what would cause this at such a young age? I know I'm not the only one.

Well, let me end this with telling you all what I'm seeking in a relationship. I want my partner to be gentle, loving, faithful, caring, intelligent, strong...he must want to help me grow, not change me. I do NOT want someone who simply wants to change me because I will NOT change for anyone. He just needs to keep me under his wing and cherish me and let me grow into who I desire to be. I believe a relationship can grow stronger and stronger through DD. I'd feel so loved and cherished if I could find someone who wasn't afraid to take me over his knee when I needed it. I know that men do not like causing their loved one true pain (emotionally and physically) during discipline, but yet they know they have to do it and that in the end it will make her feel better, relieved. I believe it would also make him feel better as well. The most important aspect for me is TRUST. If I can find the man that I can put all of my trust into...it will be true love, no doubt in my mind.

THAT is what I desire, THAT is what I long for...THAT is what I'm terrified I will NEVER find.

Spanking

So, I'm beginning a new adventure...I'm going to start posting blogs related to spanking...in hopes that it will help my self-confidence a bit. Perhaps I will meet new people that are into the spanking scene. Perhaps I will even make some true friends. I'm going to try and post some stories and poetry that I have written in the past. 

Anyhow, I'm Kimmie. Pleased to meet you! :)