What you don't want to know about Kimmie ;-)

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Hot Springs, AR, United States
I'm engaged to the love of my life and we both just happen to be spankos. I met him on Fetlife and have been with him since August 5, 2010. Spankings are a pretty regular thing for me these days! We've made a few videos which are available on Spankingtube. We enjoyed making them and we hope to make more someday! Anyhow, I love being spanked (well, sometimes I don't...depends on why I'm getting spanked)!! I am a Senior Psychology major and plan to get my Master's Degree someday! I also love to write short stories and poetry. Dance in the rain. Listen to music, Play around on the internet, Blog, and most importantly, have fun! kinkylynxproductions@gmail.com

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Taking Pictures and Self-Esteem

Some of these questions are going to be directed at spankees and some of these will be directed at Spankers...I'm sorry that they are a bit vague...but I'm very interested in all of your takes on these...questions are in bold.

Does taking pictures of yourself make you feel sexy or does it make you feel less confident? Does it make you happy when your spanker asks you to take a picture of yourself in his favorite position, or does it make you feel humiliated?

Now I will explain the way taking pictures of myself makes me feel. I've always found it hard to make myself do it...I mean, I suppose that it is most likely my low self-confidence beaming in. When a friend or a spanker asks me to take a photo...I tend to close up and get very nervous and shy...because frankly I don't want to do it. Once in a great while I do get the spontaneous feeling to take random pictures, though very rarely. I often wonder why so many guys want pictures of my bottom or of me in various spanking positions...any explanations for me, Tops? What is it about these pictures that make you happy? Is it that the spankee is ready and willing to do it for you? Does it bother you when they won't do it for you? (I have run across MANY spankers that get aggrivated when I won't take pictures for them, and then they suddenly stop talking to me...same goes with webcam).

I honestly don't think, for me, that it has anything to do with me not trusting someone enough. For example, I actually have a very good friend who has come down to spank me from far away...and even when he asks for pictures it makes me feel down on myself. I really WANT to do it for him, but my mind instanly goes into the "I'm not sexy enough" mode. I trust him completely and he has seen and spanked the hell out of my bare bottom more than once. So, what is my freaking problem? Will I EVER get over this?

I'm sure I've left so many things out, so if any of you would like to elaborate further or add more questions and answers, please do!

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. It is MUCH appreciated. You are all helping me to learn and grow so much already!! :-)



Aslyn said...


Lots of questions - good job on breaking the writer's block! Now to offer you some answers, alas only on the ones directed at spankers (since I am NOT a spankee!):

1) I often wonder why so many guys want pictures of my bottom or of me in various spanking positions...any explanations for me, Tops? What is it about these pictures that make you happy? Is it that the spankee is ready and willing to do it for you? Does it bother you when they won't do it for you?

I'd guess this is a consequence of wanting to make sure that you've actually had the spanking (when you're self-spanking at someone's instructions), or simply to keep a memory of the spanking itself (if done directly). Doesn't do much for me personally, to be honest, but I can understand why some people require them of their spankee. But yes, to an extent, it could well be that part of it is the spanker wanting to test the obedience of their spankee, although I do find it a rather amusing method for doing it. I figure the spankee submitting to being spanked is sufficient as a demonstration of that, to my mind. And no, it wouldn't bother me if the spankee said no, because I wouldn't ask them to do so. Although if I had, I might be a little irked at the disobedience, but that's soon dealt with ;) And if the reasons given for not doing so are valid, then it's not a problem in the least.

2) What kind of spankings (and other elements, such as corner time) do you like and what kind of spankings do you not like?

I like otk spankings, without a doubt, and also having the spankee lie over a bed with a cushion/pillow or two underneath her. I'm not fond of the more difficult positions, because to me that requires the spankee to concentrate both on being spanked and staying in position when, as every spanker is well aware, the pain is naturally the most pervasive part of that scenario. It's a little too much at times, I think, so I prefer to keep it simple but effective. And I am rather fond of corner time, but only when the spanking is severe enough to warrant it - as such, the spankee DOES need 5-10 minutes to themselves to think over what they did and what they received for it as a consequence. It's a good time to gather your thoughts.

3) What kind of implements do you like and what kind do you not like?

We;ve discussed this one before, but I rather like the hairbrush and the belt - domestic items, in essence. The paddle and the cane would no doubt be useful additions to any spanker's arsenal, but invariably not something you'd use quite as often. Also a bathbrush is good, as is a wooden ruler and spoon. As far as I'm concerned, it is as much dependent on the spankee as it is the spanker as to what implements should and are used on a regular basis.

4) Do spankers find it hard to get the spankee to do what they are told? Does it make you feel good to be able to help the spankee feel better?

Sometimes, absolutely, but in my experience, disobedience during a spanking is a subtle way of asking for a harder spanking without the spankee having to go through the humiliation of actually asking for one directly. As such, they still feel guilty about what they did to earn the spanking, or perhaps they simply want to be punished hard enough to provoke tears and offer them the emotional release you sometimes get. That noted, if a spankee feels like she's had enough and doesn't want any further swats/strokes etc, then usually it's not at all difficult to get them to do as they are told.

It also helps if your spankee is aware of how firm you are when it comes to punishments for disobedience: if they know moving while in the corner means they'll get another ten strokes with the belt/strap, for example, then they can weigh up that with their bratty inclinations, and decide if it's worth it. The best thing for a spanker to do, as far as I'm concerned, is to make sure that obedience during a spanking is held up as being paramount: if you let your spankee dictate her own behaviour during the spanking, there will be a lessening in respect between the two, and you simply offer license for future repetition. Being firm and harsh with such conduct prevents repetition.

Kimmie said...

Thanks! I guess I did break the writer's block pretty well. :)

1.) I wasn't necessarily talking about spankers wanting a picture after an instructed self-spanking, but just wanting pictures in general in certain positions (non-spanked). I guess maybe these pictures just add to their fantasies somehow? As far as the self-spanking goes though, I'm still unsure how I feel about that one. So now you've got me thinking on all that you said regarding them wanting pictures afterwards...and yes I can see why they would want "proof" so to speak...although you'd think that by hearing it over the phone (if that's how it's done) would be proof enough. The whole thought of self-spanking makes me extremely nervous, yet somehow curious...but I'm pretty sure the nervousness of thinking about it might prevent me from doing it...hell, I'm not sure. Gah!! Now...I have known of a few people that were in relationships (either long-distance or the husband travelled a lot) in which the girl was made to self-spank over the phone with her husband/boyfriend if she did something wrong...and that makes sense to me and the thought of that doesn't scare me so much, I guess it's the relationship/trust thing. Although, some also got it when the partner got home, YIKES!!
I'm sorry, I rambled on that one a bit...thoughts rampantly go through my head.

2.) I absolutely agree! OTK and lying over pills on a bed are my two absolute faves (and unfaves, heh! Funny, that.) I too am not fond of the uncomfortable/difficult positions, seems pointless to me because that just completely distracts me from the entire purpose, same as counting, gah! Actually, those things generally anger me and leave me feeling more stressed and upset with the entire situation, for numerous reasons. Ug...I HATE HATE HATE to agree with you on the corner time, it is probably the worst part for me, but yes I think it is important to add that aspect if the "crime" was bad enough. Corner time usually makes me want to cry more, I believe it's because I'm aware that it's almost over and my/his head will be clear again, PLUS the hug afterwards is the BEST. I could go further into that topic, but I won't.

3.) Again, this is creeping me out because you and I think so much alike on these things, *sigh*, not a bad creep out...just I don't know. Anywhooooooooo, so yes I'm very much into the domestic items, always been my "thing." Wood is an absolute favorite (and again, hated as well), anything wooden! The thought of a bath brush brings chills to my skin. I think that the spankee should ALWAYS be honest with herself and her partner with what works best on correcting her. I will not lie and say I've never...um tried to get out of a punishment with a certain implement but I have since learned that it only made things worse for me in many different aspects. The worst part, it made me angry with myself for being dishonest (to myself and him). I think I've become too honest for my own good.

4.) Wow, very very very well put. I've never quite thought of it that way but that makes TOTAL sense. When I look back at my experiences (been WAY too long ;-( ), I've done the same thing...I've always been easily humiliated/embarrassed and thus it's extremely difficult for me to ask for a spanking (which I'm hoping will get easier with time and trust with whomever my future partner will be). Yeah, that tears thing would be nice to experience too. Damn my stubbornness, Damn it to Hell!!

Yes, respect is of utmost importance. I haven't known many spankers to be very lenient, which I consider a good thing (for me, at least). Although this is kind of off-topic I wanted to mention that for me, it depends on the day...there are days that I can take an extreme amount of pain before anything gets through to me and sometimes it seems like I'm overly sensitive, but I'm not so sure that should change the severity of the punishment...it still sucks!!

Kimmie said...

Um. EDIT..." OTK and lying over pills on a bed are my two absolute faves (and unfaves, heh! Funny, that.)"

Yeah, lying over PILLOWS is what I meant...wow I must have pills on my mind. *smacks self!* haha!!

Aslyn said...

Okay, then...

Right, well, to start off with, I do NOT get why people who live/co-habit/spend time with their partners/spouse etc would want pictures of them lying in a spanking position without a) being away all the time or b) actually having had a spanking to show off. I get that you could ask for a photograph to demonstrate the intensity and severity of a spanking once it's been done, but a completely unmarked bottom? What, are you gonna stick that in your wallet instead of a portrait/headshot photo? Show it off to your friends so they can see how cute your partner is? I think not...

Yes, the priority within any spanking, as far as I'm concerned, is for the spankee to feel comfortable in their position before the spanking begins. That may sound incongruous, given that the point is often to punish the spankee, but I've always felt that it's better to make sure they focus on the actual spanking they're receiving than on the position they're in - if you've been put in a position that is acutely uncomfortable for you, your attention will invariably be split, and the spanking itself won't be even close to as effective as it might otherwise. Besides which, I find something rather erotic about OTK, and I generally find that the spankee feels a little more secure in themselves when they have direct contact with their spanker when being punished. And as for lying over pillows, well, that's designed to be very comfortable, as a perfect contrast to the spanking being received. As such, I'm unlikely to use anything else, beyond maybe having the spankee bend over a table or desk when the whim strikes me.

I'll admit, I sometimes use corner time during a spanking rather than immediately following it, for two reasons: firstly, because it helps break things up, so if I'm moving from an otk spanking to a bed spanking, for example, it knocks off any awkward delay in transition. And secondly, I also find that it gives the spankee a moment to refocus before the second half of the punishment begins. Moreover, if you use it in the middle of the punishment, it may well be unnecessary to use it at the end, which means you can move rather quickly from the final part of the spanking into the hugs and forgiveness aspect, so your spankee can cry herself stupid with you in close proximity, rather than across the other end of the room watching her stand/kneel/sit in the corner. Depends on the severity of the punishment itself, I suppose.

You're dead right about honesty, though. I'm not fond of dishonesty in relationships in any form, but frankly, I think it proves doubly important in a DD/spanking relationship, simply because you're asking your partner to cause you pain in a very direct sense when having spanking involved, and for most people, that goes against our natural sense of ethics and the societal taboos against causing harm. For myself, I'm working in the medical profession, so it very much goes against practice to cause harm in any form (and I say that because I work in mental health, so psychological damage is even more important!). The reason we allow the exception is because it a) has therapeutic benefits for the spankee in the form of an emotional release (and thus works to deal with guilt, frustration and unresolved emotional issues) and b) because the spankee WANTS that, and the consentual aspect helps a lot. Regardless, if trust isn't present under those circumstances, then there should be no spanking whatsoever.

The way I figure it, it's a two-way street to a very significant extent: the spankee trusts her spanker to be firm and sufficiently uncompromising to make it feel as though she's having her needs met (because very few people would be spanked by someone who found the whole thing amusing and acted flippantly during a spanking), and moreover trusts them not to cause any permanent physical or psychological damage by spanking them - hence, you're trusting the spanker not to abuse you or the trust you place in them. On the flipside of the coin, the spanker has to trust the spankee to show awareness of her own needs in that regard (and, if you're lucky, with others, too), and not to be dishonest with them about the things the spankee knows they'd get punished for it the spanker found out. Moreover, you have to trust that your spankee won't back out or be flippant in their use of the safe word: in essence, you expect them to demonstrate that they're committed to the course of action you're both engaged in. Otherwise, what's the point?

And I know what you mean about the changes in pain tolerance: in my experience, a spankee can usually take more when her mistakes are minor, because the guilt kicks in to a much more significant extent when the transgression was bigger, and as such, a stern lecture and a quick spanking can make them cry just as if not more effectively than a more drawn-out affair. That noted, I've also seen that such a state can be reversed - some spankees can (and typically DO) take more when they're being really punished because they know they're going to anyway - simple equation being the worse the transgression is, the harder the punishment will be. So, sure, it depends on the spankee in question, but every spanker will fast become aware that a spankee's tolerance levels are not static. Woe betide those that do!

Anyway, I'll shut up now! ;)

Kimmie said...

Thanks for the reply, yay! :)
hahaha well yeah I don't understand it either, but hey I really don't want to know if they put bottom-shots in their wallet as opposed to head-shots. You never really know, with all those scary ones out there. *shivers*
I understand what you mean. It's extremely important for me to focus on the pain and disappointment of the spanking. I get distracted EASILY, so at least for me I know what works. I can recall times when I was pretty uncomfortable and really couldn't help BUT to focus on that, which in turn led to disappointment in myself...of course what doesn't? Ah yes there is definitely something erotic about OTK, something very erotic about it. It does make me feel a TON better for the spanking to start out that way, which helps me take the entire length and course of the spanking better. Once in a while I get in the mood for the over the desk, grabbing the other side thing. If it's role-play, I'm up to almost anything. Almost...but still not much for the uncomfortable positions at all.
Question for you: What kind of implement would you/do you use for lying over pillows on a bed?
You know, I've never had corner time during a spanking actually. Only afterwards, never even had it prior to one. I think that's a smart idea-during/in between the spanking(s). I also love the idea of not having it at the end. The times that I have had corner time afterwards, I always seemed to be able to 'come back to reality' a lot quicker and kind of distract myself from the emotional side. Thank you for bringing that up because I think you just gave me an important key into why I can't seem to cry as easily as most from one. I can see how it would help the spankee refocus as well. Again, I have never had that so I can only imagine...but I do know that when I've had to go from OTK to another position for say, the school type paddle, it was practically immediately following so I had NO time to think about it, just had to get it! So...yeah, I think in between would make it worse (sadly, for the better). I'm not so sure about the kneeling or sitting in the corner. Those seem to me that they'd be very uncomfortable... =( "...so your spankee can cry herself stupid with you in close proximity..." hehehehehe that's the best thing I've heard in a while, LOVE it!! =D
Question for you, numero dos: "...so your spankee can cry herself stupid with you in close proximity, rather than across the other end of the room watching her stand/kneel/sit in the corner. Depends on the severity of the punishment itself, I suppose." What would you consider to be deserving enough to include corner time during and after the spanking?
Tres: Have you ever had trouble forgiving a spankee and have you ever felt like you were giving a spanking out of anger instead of caring?
Yeah, dishonesty is the biggest no-no in my book. Not that I don't EVER lie...because I do tend to lie when I'm really really nervous, and truthfully...I think it's just when I'm too afraid/embarrassed to own up to what I've done. I eventually do, though. Even if it's too late...and I get more for it. Still though, I loathe being dishonest. :'( It is the one thing that I EXPECT to be seriously punished for. That, and disrespect/temper...I do have some problems with that...mostly for the same reason as above. :( Things I hate to admit but need to work on for sure.
Well, you know I'm going into counseling so I can understand where you are coming from very well. I've made some mistakes with certain persons that I've decided to meet up with...those caused some serious psychological damage, along with some physical that lasted a while (short story: amateur who said he knew what he was doing and said he would respect MY wishes that we had previously talked about...needless to say he didn't, belt and tailbone don't mix). Yes, safe words are very important...I found that out the hard way. *shudders and gets a sick feeling in stomach*
Cuatro: Do you ever worry about legal ramifications coming from a girl who might try to say you abused her? That's a question I often wonder/worry about with spankers. I would not fathom doing such a thing (I probably could have with that one guy, but I would have none of that). I have heard of instances like that though. Scary. I'd just like to know your thoughts on that. I mean like...are contracts important or is it really ALL about trust for the spanker? It just seems that the spankers out there could get in a LOT more trouble than any spankee ever could...so in that respect, I really feel for the spankers. Although, I'm sure something like that would be rare if it ever happened. I mean, what girl would want everyone to know she liked getting spanked? Then again, I'm sure it happens.

I'll tend to take (okay well I guess I have no choice but to TAKE it but...I can take it as I'm "supposed" to better) a lot more punishment if I know it's going to be a bad one because I know I rightfully deserve it even if it wouldn't take much to make me release the guilt...I still know I deserve it so I try to be a good girl and take it as well as I can (the whole arching of the back and trying not to put hands back thing...). I can imagine (never had this) that a quick stern session could bring forth very nice results actually. It's something I've thought about a few times. Like...say if I were, for instance, to be found asleep at home instead of being in class where I was obviously supposed to be at that time, and my significant other came home to find me there...and he woke me up and asked me why I wasn't in class and I answered with, "...Um...class was cancelled?" That would be a blatant lie that I just suddenly came up with and he would KNOW that...and he would grab me up and ask something like, "Kimmie, are you lying to me?" (now obviously I would hope I'd be smart enough at this point to be honest!) and I might look down and nod my head. Then he might say, "You know that is it wrong to lie," and stand me up, pull my pants and panties down and throw me over his knee all in one quick swoop...spank me very hard and fast, maybe emphasizing some points with some hard smacks...let me up...I'm pretty sure by that point I would have probably crying or at least teary eyed because it would have been a rule I knew I deliberately broke deserved to be punished for. As for the skipping class...oh dear. As you put it..."Woe betides those that do"...skip class!! *gasp!*

Now I want to write a short story. Dammit.

Aslyn said...

It occured to me that I hadn't quite gotten back to you on this one, Kim, so allow me to catch up now :p

First off, for an implement when lying over pillows, I think my favourite would have to be the belt or strap, because it's got sufficient weight behind it that you can cause a pretty good sting just by letting gravity do it's work, but if you add some force behind each stroke, then what you have is a VERY good spanking. Alternatively, dependent on the posture (since some people use enough pillows that they're almost kneeling down and bending over them), you can use a bathbrush, paddle, wooden spatula/spoon and, of course, a ruler. Depends how close you want the spanker to get: for a strapping (or even a caning), you can stand clear of the bed and still provide a good stroke. For the other implements, you usually need to be kneeling next to the spankee on the bed - in itself useful for making sure they hold position and don't reach back to rub their sore bottom!

I never usually try to divide spankings up into ones that warrant corner time, and ones that don't. As we've recently discussed, it wouldn't really be very appropriate to use corner time for a good-girl spanking, but any and all punishments pretty much require some (even if it's only for a minute or two), since as I've said, I use it to reinforce the punishment and give the spankee time to collect their thoughts and recover from the spanking. Sometimes I won't use it at all, but that's entirely dependent on my own whim and on how the spankee behaved during the spanking - if I've just handed out a spanking that was very well taken, I might consider the lesson to have been learned, so no reinforcement is necessary. Really, it IS dependent on whim.

Now, I maintain one very particular rule for myself: never spank someone when you're actually upset with them. To my mind, discipline has to be detached to a certain extent - if you're only spanking someone to make yourself feel better, then you're gonna hurt them. It's like people sometimes punch pillows or even a wall to relieve anger or stress - you typically need to exert a very large amount of force to express what you're feeling. As for myself, I don't ever get angry to the extent that the feeling hasn't evaporated within a few seconds, and I think if I ever got to the point of doing so, I'd delay the spanking until I'd calmed down. That way the spanking can focus on what the spankee did to deserve punishment, rather than on stress relief for the spanker. And no, I never have trouble forgiving the spankee for whatever it was she did, because I've typically forgiven them inside my own head before I even lay on the first swat or stroke. The spanking, then, is to ensure that the spankee forgives themselves by feeling they've been properly punished for whatever it was they did.

With regards to worrying about legality, I try not to think about it, really - truth be told, it's akin to those women who sleep with a guy after meeting them in a bar and then cry that they've been raped. It does happen, but then again, there are usually tell-tale signs to indicate the lie. For one thing, there's physical markings: you might have a well-spanked bottom to show that you had been punished, but do you know how difficult it would be to spank someone who REALLY didn't want to be spanked? Short of tying them down (and good luck with THAT), it's near enough impossible - and, as such, anything like that would mean that the woman that had been spanked had other signs of a struggle present: scratches, bruises, abrasions and so on.

I don't really agree with contracts in terms of pen and paper - it's restrictive and demeaning to both parties, because it says that you can't trust each other. It's like those pre-nuptial contracts that people sometimes take out before they'll get married: it's basically a way of saying that you're almost anticipating divorce. I can understand that if you might stand to lose millions of pounds in a divorce, but otherwise, seriously... For me, I prefer the spankee to feel safe and secure, so if I was asked to sign a contract that way, then sure, I'd do it, but if not, my preference would be not to do so.

Anyway, that's it for now. I'll shut up again :p

Kimmie said...

It did take you a while but I’m so glad you did! 
I thing the strap is effective, belt not so much (I know, I haven’t had one used properly on me but I’m sure you will have the pleasure of showing me how a belt should be used…). Strap=ouch! Especially the heavy ones. I swear that 3 smacks with one of those after a proper spanking drove me to my knees. Haha. I think all of that really just depends on the spankers preferences. I, being a bottom, don’t really think I should have much say on that. I’ve found it helpful to grab the edge of the bed (in front of me) or put my arms under me in order to keep from trying to block the slaps. It helps for a bit anyhow…there is a point though where I can’t help but to block…but generally I will do anything I can to get it over with quickly. By the way, many of the implements you listed there were just evil. Plain evil.
Well, see good-girl spankings (IMHO)can incorporate corner time if it’s role-play. Also, good girl spankings don’t have to include sexual relations at all. There are SO many different types of spankings to me, haha. It’s hard to list and explain them all. Often, if I’ve been good for a long time, I still want a spanking just because. Not because I feel guilty or anything, I just feel the need for one. Corner time is pretty much always needed for time to collect thoughts, no matter what they may be. Dependent upon your whim, eh? Hmmm…seems fair. You should always just say no to corner time, methinks.
Ah, I’m SO very glad that you hold that rule. That’s one of my pet peeves and one thing I certainly won’t stand for---spanking out of anger. IF the spanker is mad at me then I’m literally AFRAID OF the spanker and not JUST the spanking…which I’d imagine is a terrifying feeling to say the least. I wish I could say I never got angry. *sigh* That’s really good that you’ve already forgiven them beforehand. Forgiveness within myself is very important, something I’ve always struggled with.
Yeah, you have some very good points. I don’t really worry with that at all, it’s just something that’s been brought up to me and sometimes makes me wonder. I’d imagine it would be difficult to spank someone who didn’t truly want to be spanked. The fact that I actually WANT to be spanked (especially when I know it’s going to be excruciatingly painful) still makes me feel incredibly weird. Ug.
Again, I agree with you. I don’t really have anything to add to your comments. Divorce just pisses me off, plain and simple. Yeah…simple, right?
I apologize for the horrid reply, I can’t think…and I’m very depressed so…I’m sorry.