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What you don't want to know about Kimmie ;-)

My photo
Hot Springs, AR, United States
I'm engaged to the love of my life and we both just happen to be spankos. I met him on Fetlife and have been with him since August 5, 2010. Spankings are a pretty regular thing for me these days! We've made a few videos which are available on Spankingtube. We enjoyed making them and we hope to make more someday! Anyhow, I love being spanked (well, sometimes I don't...depends on why I'm getting spanked)!! I am a Senior Psychology major and plan to get my Master's Degree someday! I also love to write short stories and poetry. Dance in the rain. Listen to music, Play around on the internet, Blog, and most importantly, have fun! kinkylynxproductions@gmail.com

Friday, October 31, 2008

It's a long process...

To start off...this song reminds me of how I've been feeling lately. I'll get over it though, it's not how I always feel. I HAVE to learn how to talk about those feelings that I so often hide.

"You hide the shame that you're not showing and you won't let anyone in, a crowded street can be a quiet place when you're walking alone and now you think that you're the only one who doesn't have to try, and you won't have to fail, if you're afraid to fight then I guess you never will. You hide behind your walls of maybe nevers, forgetting that there's something more than just knowing better, your mistakes do not define you now, to tell you who you're not, you've got to live this life you're given like it's the only one you've got, memories have left you broken and the scars have never healed, the emptiness in you is growing with so little left to feel, you're scared to look back on the days before and too tired to move on...if you're afraid to fight then I guess you never will..."

This post may very well be redundant, but oh well, it just happened to be on my mind tonight.

When it comes to DD, the way you go about the discipline process, from beginning to end, is of utmost importance. Well, it is for me anyway. If one thing is done wrong it can ruin the entire lesson being taught. This has to put tremendous pressure on the spanker, the spankee...not so much. Hell, all she has to do is lay there and take it...not that it's easy, mind you, but you know what I mean. Hah. For me, I know exactly how I want it all to go from start to finish. I know what works for me. However, that doesn't mean that I'm able to be completely open and honest with my spanker freely. If he were to ask me straight up then I wouldn't have as difficult of a time doing so. That also doesn't mean that I'm not flexible and willing to learn other things that might work for me. I'm always willing to learn.

In short, I prefer the spanker to be more "fatherly," for lack of a better word, in his acts. I want him to be caring and understanding, yet stern and thorough. I don't want him to give in and let me out of anything. Afterall, I deserve what I've earned plain and simple. Now...if I've done something particularly bad, then things change a bit in my mind. I would love to think that there would never be a time when I felt no remorse for my actions. I would also love to believe that I were perfect, but we all know that simply is not true. If there were ever a time when I didn't care about my doing something stupid, then I would expect (although probably not so much at the time) my partner to immediately take care of it. I'd imagine he would be very to-the-point and harsh (again, I suck at vocabulary so that may not be the right word that I'm looking for). The caring and forgiveness would probably have to wait until afterwards. Sometimes it just takes a LOT to get through to the spankee. Yes, even with me...more so than I'd like...but that can always change. That brings a question to mind...what do you do, as a spanker, if the spankee gets very out of control when you try to spank her for a major offence, and she just won't have any part of it?? What if she threatens you, even if she didn't really mean the threat, because she wasn't in a rational state of mind? Okay, that wasn't so short afterall...

Here are some more questions for whoever reads this...

When you are punishing a spankee, how do you prefer speak to them? Are you stern and harsh? Or do you show some type of fatherly characteristics, such as still using “pet names” and being caring and understanding yet still stern at the same time? Do you gently grab their chin to get them to look you in the eyes? Do you help them by guiding them over your knee or do you make them do it themselves (along with lowering pants and panties)? After the punishment is over, do you hold them and let them cry on your shoulder if needed? Do you comfort and hug them and let them know that all is forgiven and it will be alright? Are your reasonings for these answers because of your fantasies or because of what you think is best for her or something else?

On another topic...I was talking to a friend the other night and I was feeling down about the lifestyle that I so yearn to live. I told him how my ex-fiance thought it was "weird," which I immediately took as him meaning that I was weird. It took me over 2 years to gather up the courage to tell him...in a letter, at that...about this. It REALLY hurt when he said that, but I have to give him the credit for trying...he did try to help me. I learned a very important lesson, and I guess I knew it all along, that you can't force this lifestyle on anyone. Although it still amazes me how someone that didn't grow up wanting this, such as someone that was introduced to this through a prior relationship, can be as passionate about it as I am (maybe that's just because Justin didn't turn into a spanko). *shrugs* Maybe I'll just never understand.

Anyways, back to the friend I was talking to about feeling weird about the lifestyle. He doesn't think I'm weird for it, but he does see how others might see it as that way. I guess I do too but it still hurts tremendously. Hell, he will even spank me if I really need it, because he knows that I'll hurt myself physically if I get to that point of no return (although it's not easy for me to ask him, so I rarely do). He may not be into the lifestyle but he sure does care about his friends. I guess that's why he's one of my best friends. He doesn't judge me but he's very honest with me on his opinions about things. It means a lot that my two best friends support (not to mention, trust) me in the lifestyle I want and ultimately will support me with the person that I choose to be my partner for life. I'm not one to quickly let people inside my heart...to see the real Kimmie (and that's who I truly am, my personality). Not that I'm dishonest with them, I just don't always openly reveal the most intimate aspects of myself to them straight away. You're a very important person to me when I do decide to open my heart to you. Then...you better not break it. I don't know that I'll ever feel comfortable with who I am and what I believe, but I sure hope that my future partner will help me with that. Maybe one day I won't feel like I'm "weird," and maybe one day I'll finally get his damned voice out of my head saying..."It's just weird."

On a final note, since it is Halloween, what are some of your favorite costumes to celebrate the event? I won't be celebrating but I'm still curious...

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Reinforcement

Kimmie - Free and Healing for Three Days, 3 Hours and 50 Minutes, while extending my life expectancy 5 Hours, by avoiding the use of 63 nicotine delivery devices that would have cost me $12.64.

*Smiles*

Friday, October 24, 2008

Smoking cessation

Okay. So I've FINALLY decided to quit smoking...it finally hit me that I truly want to. I think I'm doing well by only having one every 3 hours...and that alone is KILLING me. In the next few days I'm planning on just biting the bullet and going cold turkey. That is the smartest way, really...as much as I hate to admit it. Now honestly, I had told myself I was going to have my last cigarette last night...but that didn't happen. I went to sleep around 9:30pm and then woke up at 3:00am out of nowhere, I guess because of the ear pain and lack of the amount of nicotine that my body is used to. So...of course I ended up having a cigarette. I couldn't go back to sleep, there was no one online and nobody awake here, no support...nothing to distract me.

I need all the support that I can get right now because I really don't believe that I can do this on my own. Unfortunately, there isn't anyone that I can call each and every time I need that support. Of course, I know things would be different if I had a regular person to spank me but that just isn't possible right now. ;-( The only thing that I can figure is to not buy another pack of cigarettes once this pack is gone. Then I have the problem of living with 2 smokers...that's a huge concern of mine. If I get that hideous craving for a cigarette...all I have to do is find them or one of their smokes. Earlier, when I had that cigarette, I just beat myself up inside and got very upset. Nicotine is such a horrific, disastrous, and sickening addiction. I never realized just how much of a grip it had on me until now. I've never had any drug addiction problems and I never saw cigarettes as being a drug...until now.

I need to find a mentor, someone who is an ex-smoker, to help me through this process. The only person that I can think of that has quit smoking cold turkey is my brother, Kyle. I'm pretty sure that he had smoked for about as long as I have, when he decided to quit. I emailed him last night and asked him for some tips and tricks on how he managed to stop. He's not exactly quick about getting back to me...so he's kind of an unreliable source...but maybe he'll surprise me. I love him to death. It's truly unreal how much he and I favor one another.

I have found a site that has helped me thus far and I'm going to try to visit it as much as I can. www.whyquit.com It has some amazing articles and some absolutely heart wrenching stories. I never realized how many young people could get cancer from smoking. I'll admit, I did know that cancer wasn't just for older folks...but it didn't really HIT me until now. I don't want to become one of them!!

I would appreciate and love all of the support that I can get right now. I'm sorry to sound selfish but please keep me in your thoughts.

*Kimmie*

Monday, October 20, 2008

All about Kimmie. ;-)

1 - THE BASICS
2 - Name Kimberly
3 - Gender Female
4 - Age 24
5 - Screen Name kamokittie
6 - Birthday August 8th, 1984 (8-8-84)
7 - Race Caucasian
8 - School/Grade Senior in College
9 - Job Maid ;-)
10 - Status Um...Single
11 - Hometown Little Rock, Arkansas
12 - Current Town Sheridan, Arkansas
13 - Parents Still Together Yes Sir! :)
14 - Siblings Tina (46), Kevin (34), Kyle (29). Yes, I'm the youngest.
15 - Pets Cat-"Possum" and Parakeet-"Dali" Cat-"Rusty" RIP.
16 - Smoker Yes...but I really want to quit.
17 - Drinker No thank you.
18 - Virgin No.
19 - Orientation Heterosexual.
20 - Drugs JUST SAY NO!!
21 - APPEARANCE
22 - Hair Color Auburn
23 - Is it Dyed? Yes, my natural color is a bit lighter
24 - Eye color Hazel
25 - Height 5'5 and a half
26 - Style Haha!
27 - Glasses/Contacts/None? Contacts and Glasses
28 - Freckles Yes Sir
29 - Body Type I'm considered average. *shrugs*
30 - Shoe Size 9-10 depending on the type of shoe. Hush! I know I have big feet.
31 - Piercings 2 in each ear
32 - Want More? No.
33 - Tatoos? Yes, for Mrs. Chastin
34 - Want More? Nope.
35 - Braces? I had them when I was younger to correct and overbite.
36 - Overall Best Feature? My bottom, of course! ;-)
37 - Overall Worst Feature? Everything but my bottom? =P
38 - Do you get most of your traits from mom or dad? My dad, I think.
39 - LIKES/DISLIKES
40 - Favorite Color Purple.
41 - Worst Color No idea...I like them all.
42 - Favorite Number 8 (It's a prominent number in my life).
43 - Favorite Animal Cat!!
44 - Least Favorite Animal I like them all.
45 - Favorite Flower This is cliche but a single Rose is my favorite flower...of any color.
46 - Favorite Food Steak.
47 - Worst Food I'm not a huge fan of rice.
48 - Favorite Junk Food Chocolate.
49 - Worst Junk Food No clue...
50 - Favorite Restaraunt Outback Steakhouse. Although any restaraunt with white cheese dip is up there on my list.
51 - Favorite Ice Cream Flavor Cookies and Cream.
52 - Favorite Candy Chocolate with almonds or Chocolate with peanut butter.
53 - Favorite Alcoholic Drink No thank you.
54 - Favorite NON Alcoholic Drink Sweet Tea!!
55 - Worst Alcoholic Drink All of them.
56 - Worst NON Alcoholic Drink I have no idea...
57 - Favorite Genre of Music Rock I suppose.
58 - Worst Genre Country or hard Rap. , i j
59 - Favorite Band/Artist The Smashing Pumpkins...they will always have my heart.
60 - Worst Band/Artist Any country or hard rap artist or band.
61 - Favorite Song
62 - Worst Song *shrugs*
63 - Favorite Radio Station I don't listen to the radio anymore, honestly.
64 - Favorite Book Hm...I'm sure I have a few...
65 - Worst Book Don't know!!
66 - Favorite Type of Movie Horror and Comedy are my favorites!
67 - Worst Type of Movie I'm not big on Romance movies but that is because of my past failed relationships...so that could change.
68 - Favorite Movie
69 - Worst Movie Ever I do NOT know!
70 - Favorite TV Show The Simpsons, House!, Grey's Anatomy, I like most sci-fi and health shows. Also, I'm a huge fan of The History Channel. I'm a total nerd!
71 - Worst TV Show Reality TV. I get enough of reality in my own life...c'mon people!
72 - Favorite Season of the Year Fall and Spring. Although I love love love the Winter when it snows...we don't get the white stuff here. *cries*
73 - Worst Season Summer!
74 - Best Friend Chastin Marie Yon
75 - Worst Enemy I don't have any enemies.
76 - Favorite Day of the Week Any good day is just fine with me.
77 - Least Favorite Day of the Week Any bad day...
78 - Favorite Sport I love playing basketball and batting cages...haven't tried a whole lot more but I'd certainly be willing to learn. :)
79 - Sport You Hate Football (American).
80 - One thing you cant get enough of Spankings! Haha! That, and of course I love making people smile, especially children...I live for that!
81 - One thing you hate more than anything Judgemental closed-minded idiots.
82 - LOVE LIFE
83 - Are You Single? Yes.
84 - If not, who is your bf/gf?
85 - How Long Have You Been Together?
86 - If You're Single, Do you Like It? I deal with it...but I'd MUCH rather be taken and claimed. :P
87 - Do You Have a Crush On Anyone Right Now? I certainly do, Mr. Alex!
88 - First Kiss Kindergaten to Paul Hiblong.
89 - Ever Kiss in the Rain? Yes and I LOVE it.
90 - In a Movie Theater? Oooh yes...
91 - Underwater? I've tried...
92 - First Love Justin Timothy Dyal.
93 - Have you ever Cheated on Anyone? Absolutely not, nor would I ever.
94 - Been Cheated on? Yes. :(
95 - Used Someone? I'm sure I have at some point...and I'm very sorry if I did. :(
96 - Been used? Yes, of course...who hasn't?
97 - Lied to your bf/gf? Yes, of course but I always felt bad about it.
98 - Ever Made out With Just a Friend? Yes.
99 - Ever Had Sex With Just a Friend? Yes.
100 - Are You a Tease? I can be.
101 - Do you Flirt a Lot? I can.
102 - Longest Relationship 5 years...engagement.
103 - Shortest A couple weeks back in Jr. High School.
104 - Have you Ever Gotten a Poem? Yes and I love them. Words from the heart amaze me. :)
105 - Ever Get Flowers? Yes and I love them too!
106 - Sweetest Thing You've Ever Gotten Flowers actually. They melt me. :)
107 - Do you Like Valentine's Day or Sweetest Day? Yes I do. I'm unlike most girls here...I don't expect to receive anything on Valentine's Day...I just want to spend time with the one I gave my heart to.
108 - Do you Believe in Love at First Sight? Lust at first sight.
109 - Do you Believe in
110 - Do you Fall in Love Fast? I have been known to wear my heart on my sleeve...but I'm working on that.
111 - Are you a Player? No and if I ever found out a guy was doing it to me, he's gone.
112 - Would you ever Hook Up With Someone of the Same sex? No, that part of my life is LONG gone.
113 - Have You ever Kissed 2 People in One Day? Not that I remember.
114 - Kissed 2 People At One Time? No.
115 - Had Sex with 2 People in One day? No.
116 - Had sex with 2+ People at One Time? No.
117 - Ever cried over someone of the opposite sex? Ooooh God yes.
118 - Ever Been Dumped? Yes.
119 - Ever dumped someone? Yes.
120 - Ever been rejected? Yes, it hurts.
121 - Do you have a lot of ex's? Not really.
122 - Are you a slut? No.
123 - Ever been called one? Heh, in good fun, yes. :P
124 - Ever dated someone more than once? Yes... *sigh*
125 - Do you ever make the first move? No but I would if I felt it was right/needed.
126 - Double dates or single? Single
127 - Do you want to get married? Yes, I want to be with the same man for the REST OF MY LIFE. Why is that so hard to find in this day and age? :(
128 - OPPOSITE SEX (what you're attracted to)
129 - Hair Color I've been with all hair types and I'm not picky.
130 - Short or long? I don't care for short short hair, personally. I like something to run my fingers through.
131 - Style Doesn't matter, whatever he likes best. :)
132 - Age Preferably somewhere within' 5 years of my own. But...love doesn't really have an age.
133 - Height Doesn't matter.
134 - Weight Seems that I always end up with the thinner type guys for some reason. Don't ask me. I'm not picky at all.
135 - Muscular Or Skinny Doesn't really matter.
136 - Boxers or Briefs Boxers. :P
137 - Do you care about looks? Not particularly, no.
138 - Other
139 - Can you drive? Oooh yes, Sir. I can drive a stick like no other too. :D
140 - Do You Have a Car? I do, indeed. It's a Blue 2005 Dodge Neon SXT with a sunroof and color inlay.
141 - Do you have a cell phone? Yes.
142 - Are you online a lot? Yes.
143 - Do you like gay/bi people? I have many friends that are gay/bi. Doesn't bother me...just not my thing.
144 - Can you speak another language? Some Spanish.
145 - Do you do well in school? Decent. Yes.
146 - Do you collect anything? Junk. :P
147 - Have an obsession? Um. Spanking...it can become an obsession. I think that's just because I haven't had one in so long...
148 - Do you hate yourself? Honestly. Not at all. Sometimes I feel like I do though.
149 - Ever smile for no reason? Yes...and hush!
150 - Talk to yourself? Not really.
151 - Do you have any regrets? I don't believe in regrets. I wouldn't be who I am without those experiences.
152 - Believe in magick? No.
153 - Do you support gay marriage? Doesn't bother me.
154 - Sex before marriage? Doesn't bother me.
155 - Do you trust people easily? Yes...
156 - Forgive easily? Yes...
157 - Do you have a secret no one knows? Hm. I don't think so.
158 - Do you get along with your parents? Yes.
159 - What about other people? Most of the time, yes.
160 - How do you vent your anger? Hmmm...well...not wisely.
161 - Do you like George Bush? Meh. Not really sure.
162 - Goal Before you die? To find and be with my one true love. Also...it'd be nice to have children. :)
163 - Biggest Fear Losing my parents....and the process of dying.
164 - Biggest Weakness My addictive personality.
165 - Do you play an instrument? Clarinet, yes!
166 - What do you want to be when you grow up? Child Psychiatrist or therapist.
167 - PERSONALITY TRAITS - Are you...
168 - A bitch? I can be but that's easily fixed.
169 - A daydreamer? Not really.
170 - Shy? Yes around new people especially.
171 - Talkative? No.
172 - Energic? I can be.
173 - Happy? Somewhat, moreso than ever. Slowly getting better.
174 - Depressed? Yes...too often. Working on it.
175 - Funny? I like to think so...
176 - Slutty? No!
177 - Boring? Um. I think so, yes.
178 - Mean? No.
179 - Nice? Yes.
180 - Caring? Yes.
181 - Trustworthy? Yes.
182 - Confident? Not really...again, working on it.
183 - Friendly? Yes.
184 - Smart? Yes!
185 - Sarcastic? Oh God Yes.
186 - Dependable? Yes.
187 - Quiet? Yes.
188 - Weird? Yes.
189 - Adaptable? Somewhat. Takes a bit.
190 - Strong (emotionally)? Yes, actually. And emotionally strong does not mean someone who does not cry.
191 - Strong (physically)? Meh...somewhat.
192 - Mature? Yes...sometimes. ;)
193 - Logical? Not so much.
194 - Religious? Yes.
195 - Modest? Yes.
196 - Indesicive? OH YES!!! WAY too much so...
197 - Sympathetic? Very much so. I can put myself in others' shoes SO well.
198 - Polite? Yes.
199 - Creative? Yes!
200 - Fun to be around? Yes.
201 - Loveable? Yes!
202 - Easily Amused? Yes...like whoa!
203 - Outgoing? Not so much.
204 - Daring? Yes. I love thrills.
205 - Clumsy? Yes...haha...oh yes. I have tripped over air, ya know! Also gotten 8 staples in my head from being clumsy...*ahem*
206 - Nosy? Not so much.
207 - Lazy? I can be.
208 - Scary? Haha, yeah I can be...especially when I wake up! :P
209 - Optimistic? Sometimes.
210 - Persuasive? Hm. I can whine and beg with the best of them! =D
211 - A good listener? Yes, very.
212 - Curious? Yes, I'm just like a cat! Really.
213 - Determined? Yes. Oh yes. Definitely!!
214 - Artistic? Yes!
215 - Honest? Yes! It's a trait I'm so glad I posess and I respect and admire it in others.
216 - Respectful? Yes...I try to be.
217 - Concieted? I can be...but it's rare.
218 - Cocky? I can be...but it's rare too.
219 - Controlling? Not particularly, no.
220 - Playful? Yes, VERY!
221 - Easygoing? Yeah usually.
222 - Carefree? Yes.
223 - Hot Headed? Nah.
224 - Serious? Sometimes.
225 - Thoughtful? Yes.
226 - Considerate? Yes.
227 - Stubborn? Yes, too much so.
228 - Romantic? Oh yes.
229 - Ambitious? Oh yes.
230 - Jealous? Yes, I can be for sure.
231 - Insecure? Yes, very.
232 - Obsessive? I can be.
233 - Attentive? Sometimes...
234 - Helpful? Yes.
235 - Punctual? HAH!!!! OH NO NO NO.
236 - Rational? That's hard for me...
237 - Sincere? Yes.
238 - Tolerant? Yes.
239 - Goodbye
240 - Did you enjoy this survey? It was long.
241 - Was it too long? Yes, see above.
242 - Do you think it contained just about everything? No, actually. :(

Saturday, October 11, 2008

The Art of Dominance

Okay so this is going to be a TOUGH topic for me to blog about. I’ve been a submissive my entire life thus far and I can’t say that I know what it’s like to be Dominant. SO…I’m just going to make some assumptions here.

In a consensual agreement of course, Dom’s take pleasure in taking control of the submissive…and of course submissives take pleasure in being controlled. I would imagine that the most important aspect here is the same as with submissives…TRUST.

I’ve noticed that most Dom’s seem to have this confident “I’m always right” attitude and when their submissive agrees with them in any way, they get this natural high…almost like an ego-trip (as bad as it sounds, hah)…of course, it must be a sincere agreement on the sub’s part. I’ve noticed that most sub’s tend to be very dependent in their lives and dom’s seem to be very independent (not necessarily dominant towards others at all). Me? I’m very dependent but I have the independence in me that just wants to jump out…and I know a spanking relationship will help with that tremendously, but that submissive part of me will ALWAYS be there in that relationship. I thrive on it, it seems.

The greatest feeling may arise from the sub’s feeling at the end of it all…the feeling of absolute relief and forgiveness within herself and possibly the other party. The Dom has to get an amazing feeling from this…to realize that she has just given him her complete trust and obeyed him to the best of her ability and received that release that she so very much needed…because of him. I can’t imagine such a feeling as I’ve obviously never been on that side. All I know is that the hugs and cuddling (even with a very sore bottom) and even tears, I’d imagine, afterwards, is amazing.

I’d like to know what that feels like…not by experiencing it per say but if someone could give me some insight into it that would be great. For instance, in the terms of spanking, whenever the sub is over your lap and she’s gotten to the point to where she can’t help but put her hands back to stop the unforgiving smacks…how do you find that strength in yourself to keep going knowing full and well that you are hurting her so much at that point in time? Or does it even take anything for you to do that…is it easy?

Oh! Also, how do Dom’s manage to learn a sub by their body language? How do you know when to go harder or lighter, or faster or slower? I don’t see how this could be easy at all…but some seem to be so good at it, even the very first time. I can almost always tell what I’m wanting, but let’s face it sometimes we lie with our behavior on the outside…no matter how much we truly want it in our heart. Okay, oftentimes it’s more than that.

Lots of questions and this also seemed to be a very chopped-up and non-artistic entry, I apologize… 

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Art of Submission

In my younger  years I was certainly not submissive, I was just a spoiled brat plain and simple. My submissive side began to thrive, strangely enough, after my trip to Europe when I was 16. THAT is when I began to gain my independence and THAT is when all of my submissive tendencies started to come out. Weird.

 Anyways, some of the first traits I noticed were things like looking down, holding my hands behind my back in various positions, and being more meek when somebody (be a friend, whoever) would talk to me in a serious context. Now, my bratty side has been shining through all of my life but I also began to understand that part of me around the same age. It is actually quite amusing to me how quickly I realized what I wanted out of life after my friend showed me that website. EVERYTHING just clicked all at once--that part of my mind just opened up--and the feelings that overcame me were amazing. I hated hiding them. The best part--I ALREADY, before the age of 18, knew what I needed to fix my problems in my life. I just couldn't find it. That is that part that kills me, still to this day. It's like I can't move on with my life without it. I could go on and give you my entire story, experiences, etc. but I'll hold off on that. 

The point of this post is to explain why I think being a submissive (from the female perspective) is such a beautiful thing. What many Dominants fail to understand (or perhaps admit) is that they really don't have all the power. The submissive has to ALLOW the Dominant to acquire and use that power on her.  So strangely enough the submissive at some point has all of the power. The true art begins, IMHO, once she freely (and happily) gives away all of the control to him...

This is SUCH a powerful feeling...it never fails to amaze me each and every time I do it (be it in person, on the phone, or just simply in my head). I wish that everyone could experience that at least once. It's something akin to sub-space. I have an amazing ability to do just that and I love every second of it (even if I say that I do not ;-) ). It's difficult for me to give that power to another person, so once I find someone and trust them enough to do it for...quite a feat I must say. I live for the day when I can be with the man that I can give up absolute and total control to, forever (mind you, this is not anything like slavery!!). 

Do you know how difficult it is to first: realize that you have flaws, second: realize that you need to fix them, third: realize that you know exactly how you can fix them, fourth: realize the ways you need to fix them are extremely painful and abnormal (according to society), fifth: realize that is the ONLY thing that works for you, sixth: realize that it is going to be incredibly painstakingly hard to find, seventh: FINALLY find it (working on this part) and make it work...??

Holy Geez, that's one HUGE art project!!!!! haha...yeah, I crack myself up. I suppose that I should be glad I became aware of this part of me at such a young age. 

When I do find that perfect partner for me I will give him all of my trust and submit to him completely because, of course, by that point I will be sure of myself in this relationship. I can not wait for that moment! I can imagine that will be the most powerful feeling I've ever experienced because it will hopefully be a "forever" commitment...to the same man. I'll be to a point where I trust him so much that I will know he will know what is best for me and would never truly harm me. I will be wanted, loved and cherished and for that he will receive ALL of me, I will submit completely, and he will be my helping hand along our journey together. :)

I would imagine, for the Top, the best feeling is to have that complete trust freely given to him. Am I right? Or is it something else? 

To be continued...

Friday, October 3, 2008

Picture Blog!!

Here is a picture blog! I don't think I did the picture format right unfortunately. Eh, here goes.

Picture #1: This has got to be one of the most God-awful positions known to spanking. Humilating, Embarrassing, Painful. Yeowch!
Picture #2: It's so true.
Picture #3: Rosaleen Young, she's always been my favorite and she has such a wonderful way of arching her bottom.
Picture #4: Rosaleen Young, ouch wet bottom! I wonder what that would feel like...not good, I would imagine.
Picture #5: She looks like she's in a bit of pain.
Picture #6: I just found that hilarious all the way around. heh, no vacancy.
Picture #7: Kailee is great.
Picture #8: Brandi, over pillows!!
Picture #9: Brandi. :)
Picture #10: OMG.
Picture #11: Tears! I'm so jealous.
Picture #12: Audrey and Abilgail. http://www.spankthatbrat.com/
Picture #13: Abigail and her lovely outfit. :)
Picture #14: Audrey and Abilgail, I'm pretty sure she's being punished her. Yikes!
Picture #15: Bath brush=the worst implement known to man. :'(






























Chemistry

Key Question: *Is it difficult for you to find a spanker with similar interests and chemistry as your own or is it difficult for a spanker to find a spankee with similar interests and chemistry as your own?*

I have often found that it is very difficult to find a spanker that matches my personality. There have been many that came SO close...but no cigar. I have found a few that matched me online but once I met them the chemistry just wasn't there which was a huge letdown for me. I'd imagine it was the same feeling for them. That's why I have doubts about online dating working. I must admit though that I have a very good friend whom none of you know, James. He met Jenn (and now she's a good friend) online at www.faithbase.net and she moved here from New York City. They just got engaged and they seem to be incredibly happy. I had my doubts and I'm usually right about those things, but they got me this time. They're moving away to Colorodo Sunday. *sigh* I'll miss them. My best friend Chastin, and her husband Chad met on www.match.com and obviously they got married...so...

Anyways, I think I got a tad bit off subject there and apparently advertised for a couple sites, I should get paid, haha. I apologize for that. Where was I? Oh. Online dating works for some. I don't believe it works for many. It's going to have to work for me or I'll never get married. The only way I'll be truly completely happy is with spanking and Arkansas seems to be sparce with spankers...let me rephrase that...Arkansas seems to be sparce with sane spankers.

Now, as I've said I have met some guys online that I felt a lot of chemistry for. The horrible part is when you realize they don't feel the same thing for you. It's very disheartening. Honestly, I've had a few people (non-spankos) around my area ask me out on dates. I just couldn't do it. Been there, done that. Dated someone, and once I found myself I told him I was a spanko...he tried it and there just came a point to where he couldn't do it anymore. We were engaged. 5 years. I feel bad for him because he really did try...things just slowly fell apart after that and I blame myself for everything, even if it wasn't intentional. So, my new avenue is meeting spankos first, getting to know a little about them first, then getting to know their exact interests in spanking, then getting to know about their lives and interests more in depth.

Sometimes I think I'm too picky. Think so?