What you don't want to know about Kimmie ;-)

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Hot Springs, AR, United States
I'm engaged to the love of my life and we both just happen to be spankos. I met him on Fetlife and have been with him since August 5, 2010. Spankings are a pretty regular thing for me these days! We've made a few videos which are available on Spankingtube. We enjoyed making them and we hope to make more someday! Anyhow, I love being spanked (well, sometimes I don't...depends on why I'm getting spanked)!! I am a Senior Psychology major and plan to get my Master's Degree someday! I also love to write short stories and poetry. Dance in the rain. Listen to music, Play around on the internet, Blog, and most importantly, have fun! kinkylynxproductions@gmail.com

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The Art of Submission

In my younger  years I was certainly not submissive, I was just a spoiled brat plain and simple. My submissive side began to thrive, strangely enough, after my trip to Europe when I was 16. THAT is when I began to gain my independence and THAT is when all of my submissive tendencies started to come out. Weird.

 Anyways, some of the first traits I noticed were things like looking down, holding my hands behind my back in various positions, and being more meek when somebody (be a friend, whoever) would talk to me in a serious context. Now, my bratty side has been shining through all of my life but I also began to understand that part of me around the same age. It is actually quite amusing to me how quickly I realized what I wanted out of life after my friend showed me that website. EVERYTHING just clicked all at once--that part of my mind just opened up--and the feelings that overcame me were amazing. I hated hiding them. The best part--I ALREADY, before the age of 18, knew what I needed to fix my problems in my life. I just couldn't find it. That is that part that kills me, still to this day. It's like I can't move on with my life without it. I could go on and give you my entire story, experiences, etc. but I'll hold off on that. 

The point of this post is to explain why I think being a submissive (from the female perspective) is such a beautiful thing. What many Dominants fail to understand (or perhaps admit) is that they really don't have all the power. The submissive has to ALLOW the Dominant to acquire and use that power on her.  So strangely enough the submissive at some point has all of the power. The true art begins, IMHO, once she freely (and happily) gives away all of the control to him...

This is SUCH a powerful feeling...it never fails to amaze me each and every time I do it (be it in person, on the phone, or just simply in my head). I wish that everyone could experience that at least once. It's something akin to sub-space. I have an amazing ability to do just that and I love every second of it (even if I say that I do not ;-) ). It's difficult for me to give that power to another person, so once I find someone and trust them enough to do it for...quite a feat I must say. I live for the day when I can be with the man that I can give up absolute and total control to, forever (mind you, this is not anything like slavery!!). 

Do you know how difficult it is to first: realize that you have flaws, second: realize that you need to fix them, third: realize that you know exactly how you can fix them, fourth: realize the ways you need to fix them are extremely painful and abnormal (according to society), fifth: realize that is the ONLY thing that works for you, sixth: realize that it is going to be incredibly painstakingly hard to find, seventh: FINALLY find it (working on this part) and make it work...??

Holy Geez, that's one HUGE art project!!!!! haha...yeah, I crack myself up. I suppose that I should be glad I became aware of this part of me at such a young age. 

When I do find that perfect partner for me I will give him all of my trust and submit to him completely because, of course, by that point I will be sure of myself in this relationship. I can not wait for that moment! I can imagine that will be the most powerful feeling I've ever experienced because it will hopefully be a "forever" commitment...to the same man. I'll be to a point where I trust him so much that I will know he will know what is best for me and would never truly harm me. I will be wanted, loved and cherished and for that he will receive ALL of me, I will submit completely, and he will be my helping hand along our journey together. :)

I would imagine, for the Top, the best feeling is to have that complete trust freely given to him. Am I right? Or is it something else? 

To be continued...


Aslyn said...

Interesting thoughts. I like what these discussions of our provoked. It's good to see what goes on in that head of yours, though I daresay I'm nowhere close to having a complete picture :)

You're dead right about Tops/Spankers/Doms etc having very little actual power/authority when it comes to a DD relationship - it is, as you've said, more that the spankee is trusting them with a level of control that would otherwise not be theirs. That's even true in the more extreme Master/slave relationships, though I've never bought into THAT level of control, personally. The M/s relationship always struck me as one that's a little odd, simply because the spankee/bottom/slave is expected to be submissive ALL THE TIME, and that's probably very difficult to maintain.

Now, before you object and say "wait a minute, I can be submissive whenever I like", and then pout about the fact that I don't understand you, let us remember that you can also be very feisty and independent, too. So your submissive side complements that, but also contrasts with it.

I like the fact that you thought about how to break down the stages to becoming a submissive. Good job, seriously! I'm all for dissemination, and that seemed accurate (not that I'd know, having never been submissive :p).

It is a damn good feeling having someone trust you to that extent, speaking as a top, but then again, it's also a massive responsibility: in essence, it's asking you to take care of the person involved to a very massive extent, and even to cause them pain on the understanding that it will help them. It invariably contradicts some of our more basic natural drives, so it's not necessarily as easy as it looks. That noted, it's the sort of responsibility I'd EXPECT in a relationship, simply because there'd be no point being in one if you weren't prepared to do your damnedest to make the other person as happy as they make you.

It's a tricky set of things to balance, really, but I think the primary difference between submissiveness and dominance (beyond their base differences) is that you can indulge fully in one, but never in the other - as I've said, when you're being dominant, the first thought in your head MUST be the welfare of the other person. When you're being wholly submissive, you can focus on simply doing as you're told and giving up your will to the dominating person. From the position of a top, you can't afford to let yourself go to that extent. As such, you have to be in control of the other person AND in control of yourself. It's tricky to do :)

Anyway, good stuff once again, Kim :)

Kimmie said...

Oh my dear Alex, I assure you that you do not what a complete picture of what goes on in my mind.

Eh, M/s relationships tend to scare me quite a bit--to each his own but I could never do it. I could never be a slave to anyone. I am my own person and I enjoy that.

I was not intending on objecting to you, Sir! LOVED the described that! You are quite correct on the rest though.

Thank You *smiles and blushes* It's really great to hear compliments about my writing. I'll have to post some of my poetry, or send it to you, sometime. Haha yes I know you certainly aren't submissive. =P

*ahem* Did you say "damn"?! *gasps* lol Oh I'm certain that being fully trusted is an amazing feeling for Tops and I can't imagine the amount of responsibility they carry. I don't think I could ever handle being a Top (not that I'd ever want to)...it seems like a whole hell of a lot of responsibility and I'm not big on responsibility. hah! *sigh*

I must say that I'm simply thrilled that you are able to handle both of those things so wonderfully (on the phone anyhow). You have QUITE a gifted quality about ya. ;)

Thank you again, Sir. =D

Kiran said...

You're right about dommes not having any real power, but to say that we "think" we have all the power is sort of insulting. Of course we know that. Of course I know that. That's why dommes look for submissives. If I truly thought I had all the power then I'd just pick up some chick off the street and work my magic. I'm well aware that it doesn't work that way. You clearly understand the submissive side very well, but your understanding of the my side of the fence is lacking.

Kimmie said...

Kiran: I didn't say that ALL Doms thought that way and I said that I don't know the first thing about being a Dom and I didn't mean to insult anyone. I was just going off of what I had observed and experienced. I never said I was right.