Goals

Okay, so it's time for me to set up some goals for myself, which will help me become healthier, as well as make me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life right now.

1.) I'd like to lose 20 lbs. within a month or two. Preferably one month. Exercise, vitamins, and watching my caloric intake will be primary. I can't really afford to eat health right now but God I'd love to, money however, is very low. I believe that this will be the first baby step into helping me become more comfortable with myself and therefore less anxious in most situations. Also, if I can rid myself of these terrible self-defeating thoughts and raise my self-confidence...I'll be much less likely to sabotage any future relationships...because that is the LAST thing that I want to do. I'm tired of running away. I'm too stubborn for that.

2.) We are all aware that I tried very hard to quit smoking and failed. I refuse to let that get me down anymore. It was my first attempt at quitting and I think I did pretty darn well. Now I just have to get ready again.

3.) I would like to try and get out of the house more. Go visit friends and family, even if that means I'll hate it in the beginning...perhaps things will eventually change, specifically with my family issues.

4.) I'd like to work on my conversational and social skills. I used to be very good at it but since leaving college, I've fallen. I'll get back to myself again one of these days.

5.) I will get outside more often and do the things that I used to love to do. Things like taking photographs, walking in the park, driving the back roads and exploring. ALONE!! I haven't done those things since back in college and I adored it so much. I will get into my hobbies more, writing poetry, drawing and painting, singing to my ever beloved music, crying when it just feels right (I hold it in far too often, due to past experiences), and hell I may even start playing my Clarinet again, I was amazing at it. :) I could add more to the list but I'm sure they'll come alone eventually.

I used to love myself and I remember that feeling...I loved that feeling. I will do anything to get that back. I crave it and long for it. Maybe I won't be able to do all of this alone, in fact I'm pretty sure I won't, but I will try. That's all that I can do. If I need help along the way, I really hope that I can find someone willing to do whatever it takes to guide me. I will get desperate, I won't lie. It's a part of me that I'm beginning to embrace...I'll always need someone to protect me...and that is alright with me.

Thank you for reading and if any of you think that there are specific areas that I should focus on...please let me know...I'm all for constructive criticism. :) I'd appreciate any feedback.