Goals

Okay, so it's time for me to set up some goals for myself, which will help me become healthier, as well as make me feel like I'm actually doing something with my life right now.

1.) I'd like to lose 20 lbs. within a month or two. Preferably one month. Exercise, vitamins, and watching my caloric intake will be primary. I can't really afford to eat health right now but God I'd love to, money however, is very low. I believe that this will be the first baby step into helping me become more comfortable with myself and therefore less anxious in most situations. Also, if I can rid myself of these terrible self-defeating thoughts and raise my self-confidence...I'll be much less likely to sabotage any future relationships...because that is the LAST thing that I want to do. I'm tired of running away. I'm too stubborn for that.

2.) We are all aware that I tried very hard to quit smoking and failed. I refuse to let that get me down anymore. It was my first attempt at quitting and I think I did pretty darn well. Now I just have to get ready again.

3.) I would like to try and get out of the house more. Go visit friends and family, even if that means I'll hate it in the beginning...perhaps things will eventually change, specifically with my family issues.

4.) I'd like to work on my conversational and social skills. I used to be very good at it but since leaving college, I've fallen. I'll get back to myself again one of these days.

5.) I will get outside more often and do the things that I used to love to do. Things like taking photographs, walking in the park, driving the back roads and exploring. ALONE!! I haven't done those things since back in college and I adored it so much. I will get into my hobbies more, writing poetry, drawing and painting, singing to my ever beloved music, crying when it just feels right (I hold it in far too often, due to past experiences), and hell I may even start playing my Clarinet again, I was amazing at it. :) I could add more to the list but I'm sure they'll come alone eventually.

I used to love myself and I remember that feeling...I loved that feeling. I will do anything to get that back. I crave it and long for it. Maybe I won't be able to do all of this alone, in fact I'm pretty sure I won't, but I will try. That's all that I can do. If I need help along the way, I really hope that I can find someone willing to do whatever it takes to guide me. I will get desperate, I won't lie. It's a part of me that I'm beginning to embrace...I'll always need someone to protect me...and that is alright with me.

Thank you for reading and if any of you think that there are specific areas that I should focus on...please let me know...I'm all for constructive criticism. :) I'd appreciate any feedback.

This is so true...

Compared to other takers

* 49/100 You scored 45 on ABC, higher than 49% of your peers.
* 76/100 You scored 48 on XYZ, higher than 76% of your peers.


Your result for The Quick & Painless ENNEAGRAM Test ...

4- the Individualist
you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR (aka "The Romantic")

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.


How to Get Along with Me

* Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
* Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
* Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
* Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
* Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!


What I Like About Being a FOUR

* my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
* my ability to establish warm connections with people
* admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
* my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
* being unique and being seen as unique by others
* having aesthetic sensibilities
* being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me


What's Hard About Being a FOUR

* experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
* feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
* feeling guilty when I disappoint people
* feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
* expecting too much from myself and life
* fearing being abandoned
* obsessing over resentments
* longing for what I don't have


FOURs as Children Often

* have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original games
* are very sensitive
* feel that they don't fit in
* believe they are missing something that other people have
* attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
* become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
* feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)


FOURs as Parents

* help their children become who they really are
* support their children's creativity and originality
* are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
* are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
* are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed


...and more at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Four_(Enneagram)

Slip and Fall

Okay, so I need to be honest here. This princess fell off her pedestal today, and fell numerous times, HARD. I guess I just let the overwhelming depression get to me, along with everyone around me that do the things that I shouldn't do. Excuses are pointless. I guess I just need a little "pick-me-up" or a talking to or...something. I'm not quite sure.

I'll be around again for a few days...

*Kimmie*