I've always been a pretty negative person but I go to the extreme on occasion. It's like I can't stop the script in my head and I'm hoping that can change. I've already seen quite a bit of improvement by just being around people that love me for who I am. This helps me realize that maybe I'm not such a bad person after all. Still though, I go through these rough spots. For the past couple of days I have been feeling/being extremely down on myself and I can't shake it. Every time I see myself, I look away. I can't stand the way that I look physically and I don't like the weakness inside of me. I am working on exercising more to help the former problem but I having a feeling the latter will be significantly more difficult to overcome. That one has been with me since I was very young.
The other day I called myself fat/ugly and my boyfriend (who will hereafter be called M) didn't like it and neither did I but I just couldn't stop the script running through my head. Honestly, I just wanted to cry. I hate that it hurts M when I am down on myself and I hate it that it hurts me. I wish that I could stop. I wish that I could just be this cheerful, optimistic person that everyone loves. I just never feel that I am good enough for anything or anyone.
Maybe over time and with some help this negativity will cease to exist. We'll see.
Thanks for reading,
*Kimmie*
My God, I Just Had A Grand Mal Seizure.
6 years ago
4 comments:
Hi Kimmie,
I'm sorry to hear you're experiencing tough times. Hopefully, they will pass quickly.
Here's something that I think is positive... I just watched your videos and I think they are excellent. You look lovely and leave the viewer with no doubt that you are indeed a true spanko!
I love your spanking bench. I enjoy being restrained during a spanking. It makes everything more intense.
M is relentless (a good trait) and spanks hard (ditto). Your banter is great fun too. My only suggestion for him would be to watch those high strikes. The nice soft curvy part is where those swats belong. I look forward to more fine video adventures.
I hope you have a fun Spanksgiving!
Hugs,
Bonnie
Bonnie,
Thank you. This is just something I've struggled with on and off my entire life. It will be tough to stop the bad habit but I'm sure I can do it...just probably not as quickly as I would like. I need to change some things about myself that I don't like first.
Thank you so much for the compliments! I like the videos but I don't like the way that I look in them (see!), but it's true. I am most definitely a true spanko =D
The spanking table was M's idea. I think it's great. We can't afford to buy any fancy contraption and it works very well :) The only thing I'm worried about is lack of variety, you know? Yes, being restrained certainly adds intensity and I love it.
hehe, yes M is perfect for me. I've always been naturally bratty and whimpery. I think others enjoy that. That's a good suggestion. I think that it's my fault that he doesn't hit lower. I react a lot worse when he hits low (of course, the pain is much more intense there). I'm really afraid of too high and too low of strikes. I need to work on that. Thanks for the suggestion :)
I hope you have a fun Spanksgiving, as well!
Hugs,
*Kimmie*
Hi Kimmie,
I love love love your latest video, especially the end. There is a point to all this spanking. You showed just enough.
One suggestion - You can increase the traffic to this blog by linking it in your video descriptions.
Thanks for sharing your fun!
Hugs,
Bonnie
Bonnie,
Thank you so much. You're so right, there is a point to all the spanking--we spankos ENJOY it! And we want everyone to see that. We decided to cut the video because the rest was a bit personal.
Thank you for the suggestion, I hadn't thought of that at all! I've added the link to my videos. Thanks so much, Bonnie. :)
Hugs,
*Kimmie*
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