Taking Pictures and Self-Esteem

Some of these questions are going to be directed at spankees and some of these will be directed at Spankers...I'm sorry that they are a bit vague...but I'm very interested in all of your takes on these...questions are in bold.

Does taking pictures of yourself make you feel sexy or does it make you feel less confident? Does it make you happy when your spanker asks you to take a picture of yourself in his favorite position, or does it make you feel humiliated?

Now I will explain the way taking pictures of myself makes me feel. I've always found it hard to make myself do it...I mean, I suppose that it is most likely my low self-confidence beaming in. When a friend or a spanker asks me to take a photo...I tend to close up and get very nervous and shy...because frankly I don't want to do it. Once in a great while I do get the spontaneous feeling to take random pictures, though very rarely. I often wonder why so many guys want pictures of my bottom or of me in various spanking positions...any explanations for me, Tops? What is it about these pictures that make you happy? Is it that the spankee is ready and willing to do it for you? Does it bother you when they won't do it for you? (I have run across MANY spankers that get aggrivated when I won't take pictures for them, and then they suddenly stop talking to me...same goes with webcam).

I honestly don't think, for me, that it has anything to do with me not trusting someone enough. For example, I actually have a very good friend who has come down to spank me from far away...and even when he asks for pictures it makes me feel down on myself. I really WANT to do it for him, but my mind instanly goes into the "I'm not sexy enough" mode. I trust him completely and he has seen and spanked the hell out of my bare bottom more than once. So, what is my freaking problem? Will I EVER get over this?

I'm sure I've left so many things out, so if any of you would like to elaborate further or add more questions and answers, please do!

Thank you all for taking the time to read this. It is MUCH appreciated. You are all helping me to learn and grow so much already!! :-)

Yours,
*Kimmie*

Drinking

Why is it that when I tell someone that I am not a big drinker...in fact, I rarely ever drink at all...they automatically say that I'm missing out or that I'm just no fun?! I'm so fucking sorry that I'm not into drugs and alcohol! Seriously, I apologize for being no fun at all. 

Btw...this has nothing to do with any of you...just my gripe for the evening...sorry...

OH...and does anyone know how to put a project playlist music player on this damned blog?! I have tried everything that I know to get it on here but I'm having some serious issues. 

P.S. Please forgive my sailor's mouth. :)

Spanking withdrawls

Okay, so here lately I've been having this terribly overwhelming need to be spanked. I am at the point to where I will do just about ANYTHING to get spanked. A-N-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Which in turn could be a dangerous thing but I just can't get that damned feeling to dissipate. Is there ANYONE in the Arkansas area that is available as a spanker? Preferably close to my age (I've had some bad experience with older people, no offense, plus I'm looking for a serious relationship eventually. Not that I might consider someone older as a mentor if I found the right person, mind you...but that would require references. Any other ideas or suggestions?

I'm so sick of finding spankers that just don't match my needs. A lot of them seem to insist on my doing other things that I am just not into, and these things make me uncomfortable. I could see myself doing some of those things with someone that I've known for a while that I was/became comfortable with; however. It's just so hard to find a spanker in my area of hell, Arkansas. They are few and far between and certainly not a match for me. I think there are a lot of closet spankos around here but they are just too afraid to come out. What is the average age for someone to come out anyhow? I should do a study on that or something along those lines. Hah, wouldn't that be a funny idea to present to my psychology professor as a thesis paper and presentation?! Oh my! Now THAT would take some serious guts...which I don't possess.

Absenteeism in the blogosphere: My apologies

Hi all. First off, I'd like to apologize for dropping out of the scene for a while. I've been having those darn negative thoughts overwhelming my cruel mind lately. I've also been rather busy with personal issues of another matter. A friend of mine committed suicide recently and I've been trying to sort that out in my head. I won't go into details but I just wanted to fill everyone in on my careless absence.

Thank you all so much for your kind and helpful words to my blogs. You all have really helped me and I hope to bring you some more blogs. At first, I'm just going to give you all some info about myself and what goes on in my head because I believe that is a good step to building me into getting to know who I am and what I'm all about. And later, I plan to add some spanking content on blogs, people, and the models that I adore.

I'd be happy to oblige and suggestions for blogs.

Thank you all once again and please bare with me and forgive me.

Beware: negativity ensues

So. I'm young and semi-new to the scene, I'm here to learn and to grow, and this is how my mind works and this is not meant to offend anybody whatsoever, so please bear with me. 

I watch videos. Spanking videos. I see all of these models. Young, beautiful, skinny, flawless models. I have a spanking fetish. I am not beautiful, skinny and flawless. I am real. I am a person. I consider myself to be cute, if that counts for anything at all. Still though, I am not these models. Is it true that Tops really simply just want someone who is just as passionate about this lifestyle as they are (and not just a pretty bare ass)? Do they really not care about looks? I mean, c'mon what Top wouldn't want to spank all of those lovely spanking models? 

Is it true that if I decide to attend a spanking party that I will be completely welcomed? I mean, is it possible that every single person attending will truly want me there? Okay, I realize that every single person probably won't. See, I don't want someone to be nice to my face and then talk poorly about me behind my back. I can't stand fakes. Yet...I don't want to know if someone doesn't like me either. Hm...makes total sense to me?! 

I've been told that I should consider going to a small party first...before even attempting to go to a larger one (such as All-State). I would love to do that but I'd have to make sure that some of my longer-term online friends were going to be there as well...for comforts sake. I'd like to feel protected. I do know a couple of people that would do that for me and I am very thankful for that. 

Basically, I just want to ask for anybody's opinion on what I should expect at these parties, what kind of caution should I take, what I should do in an uncomfortable situation (or if I panic), what kind of rules everyone is expected to follow, etc.? Any comforting, self-esteem raising advice is more than welcome!  

If you're still reading this and not shaking your head in disgust, thank you! :)

*Kimmie*